


Getting old

by Lily_Amazon



Series: Sparks (WBP oneshots) [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Brotherly Love, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, Nakamaship, Self-Reflection, Suicidal Thoughts, fear of aging, fun and fluff at the end, minor spoilers for wano arc, set after Ace officially joined the crew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26527471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lily_Amazon/pseuds/Lily_Amazon
Summary: Izo wasn't really the kind of man to worry about the future, but a part of him knew that all this wasn't meant to last forever."I won't survive him. I don't want to."
Relationships: Fushichou Marco | Phoenix Marco & Izou
Series: Sparks (WBP oneshots) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928929
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Getting old

**Author's Note:**

> _Soundtrack:[Lili Blessing – Awake](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYYeagqdm0A)_

It was quite a quiet night on the Moby Dick. After an usual little party, all of his drunk brothers had fallen asleep, except for the poor fellow on night watch in the highest of their crow's nests. Even Ace and his not-so-well-hidden regular insomnia seemed to have vanished somewhere else on the ship. And there he was, leaning against the railing, his softly smoking _kiseru_ in his hands, spacing out into the starry darkness. Izo wasn't really the kind of man to worry about the future. He had found what he wasn't looking for years ago and was quite happy with this family and their way of living. But a part of him knew that all this wasn't meant to last forever. He let out a sigh and gulped the rest of his cup of _sake_. What was the point of torturing himself with all of this now anyway, huh?

A door opened not far from him and he heard a relieved yawn followed by some lazy footsteps. Marco was still stretching when he came to a stop at his brother's side.

"Izo? Still awake? What about your beauty sleep yoi?" The flat tone didn't even surprise him. He had been such a pain about his needed hours of rest that now everybody on this ship knew how much sleep mattered to him.

"I'll catch it up another day I guess," he chuckled, still looking at the sea. "Makeup really makes wonder anyhow... Did all this insane paperwork hold you hostage until now?"

"Yeah, but it's finally over, well, until next week. Ah... Sometimes I don't get it. Why do I even have to keep a record on the number of tow—" He frowned, looking at the slightly shaking hands of the kimono-clad man as he changed the tobacco in his pipe before lighting it. "Nevermind. What's bothering you yoi?"

"It's nothing really," Izo replied after taking a long puff. "Feeling old and stuff..."

"Feeling old? C'mon, we're in our brightest days! You'll have the right to worry when you'll be older than Pops, not until then yoi." The first mate tittered, trying to cheer his friend up.

"But I do worry." He faced his brother, brows furrowed. "Since Ace joined us something has changed. I don't blame him, he's such a nice kid... Still, he's so young that it has reminded me of my own age and the crew's. And I can't help but wonder what will happen in five or ten years."

"I get it, Izo. But Pops is doing well. And even if the medical staff is discreet, Jill and the nurses are really cautious. I'm here too. Our father is fine," he said, instilling confidence in each of his words.

The cross-dresser smiled. "I know he is. Beating the crap out of our hothead _while sleeping_..." They both laughed, remembering the look on Thatch's face as it dawned on him that he had to go and fish a drowning Ace out of the sea.

Marco turned his back to the soothing waves and looked at the deserted deck, noticing some remaining bottles. He left to fetch the fuller ones and came back to Izo, sitting down against the railing with a determined sigh. Somehow, he knew it wasn't over. His brother was the kind of man to only tell you the smallest part of his concern. He needed time to sort it all out in his head first, before even considering entrusting his inner struggle to someone else. And now was the time for him to ease his mind, even if he wasn't aware of it yet.

"Want some?" Marco asked, pouring rum in a borrowed tankard.

"Sure do." He gave the Phoenix his cup before joining him on the wooden floor, his elbow resting on his right knee. He absentmindedly smoothed out some invisible lines on his grey _yukata_. Their father's emblem had been embroidered along the length of his collar.

"All right. Spit it out," the Phoenix said, handing him the now filled cup.

"No... You don't have to worry about my annoying existential crisis. It'll fade away just like it has come," he answered, waving his hand.

"Izo..." The look in Marco's eyes wasn't his usual half bored half annoyed one. He was glaring at him seriously. The dark haired man glanced back to his hands, playing with the alcohol in his cup before letting out a sigh.

"I won't survive him. I don't want to."

The First Commander straightened up, startled. "But..."

"No. I've made up my mind. _Oyaji_ is in his early seventies and I'm glad for it. We're so lucky is still with us... But I'm in my late thirties and I'll turn forty in the blink of an eye. Getting old, well, that's not what I want, that's not why I was raised for."

"I don't understand."

"I wasn't expecting you to." He smiled softly, leniently, taking a sip of rum. "You know a bit about my life before joining the crew... Born in Wa, oldest sibling in a struggling artists' family. Mother saw my potential and taught me everything a _girl_ would have to know to work in our environment. She did the same with Kiku years later, before..." His eyes closed briefly. "I've always been told that my beauty and my manners were my only worth. All I had, all I would ever need. Oden- _sama_ disabused me on that, it's true,"—a melancholic smile stretched his lips—"allowed me to wield a sword while being whoever I pleased. But my good looks have proven quite useful over the years, even after we fled... My beauty was my pride, and still is. I love the way I look and I love the man all of you made me become."

"What's the problem then?"

"There's none! I just want to die while I'm still young and handsome. That's all."

"But..." Marco wasn't getting it.

"Look, I love my life with all of you. I couldn't have hoped for anything better really! But knowing that one day, we'll be on our own, without _Oyaji_ , and that time will still fly by, disfiguring me, making me old and wrinkled... It's just making me want to jump overboard."

"When?"

"When?" Izo repeated, uncertainty in his tone.

"When will you kill yourself? So I can plan your funerals." Marco's fists were clenched in anger. A sad smile stretched Izo's lips. "Ah... See... I shouldn't have told you."

"Yeah, that way you could have disappeared from day to day."

"Marco, that's not—"

"That's not what you said? C'mon, just admit it. Just admit how selfish, how vain, how self-important you think you are!" He was shouting at Izo now, the man still smiling, a provoking and amused glimpse in his eyes. "I thought you'll stay more collected as the first mate."

"I'm not the first mate here. I'm your brother and we're talking about your death for God's sake!"

"I know, I know. Please calm down. Take a sip of rum... There... Now listen. I'm vain and selfish, that's true. But I'm not going to disappear from day to day. I was just telling you that what I fear the most, except losing _Oyaji_ or one of you, was to get old. To let time disfigure me without doing anything. I can't stand it. I know you don't care about the way I look, but for me it matters. Because, as vain as it sounds, my handsomeness is a major element of my life. Thanks to it I was able to survive in this dark and cruel world. I was able to survive until I found Oden- _sama_ and all of you. So I can't toss it back like it was nothing. I just can't."

"Stop frowning that much, then," Marco said harshly before calming down. Izo's mouth dropped in astonishment. "Touché!" he chuckled. "Do you get it now?"

"I think I do."

"As long as _Oyaji_ 's alive, you don't have to fear anything. Well, even if he... Ah... I don't know." He ran his hands through his hair, bringing chaos to his previously perfect bun. "It's just how I'm feeling now. I was thinking about my life, about our father getting old too, about life here being way too joyful to be true and last forever and... I don't know... I got scared. Sorry."

"It's okay, Izo. I'm glad you told me what was on your mind, yoi. That's also what we're here for. Not only fighting, partying and joking, but also listening when there's something wrong. Right?"

"Yeah, got it. Thanks."

"Yet, next time you talk about your own death so insensitively, I'll kick your ass off to the moon and back. And you know I can, with those phoenix wings I have," he added, a hint of amusement in his dark eyes.

"I've never been to the moon! I'll look forward to it then," the cross-dresser laughed, taking another bottle of rum, winking at Marco.

And all of a sudden, life seemed as bright as before. Death didn't really matter any more. He was there, with one of his many brothers, one of his closest friends, enjoying that starry summer night. There was just a little dark stain in the idyllic picture.

"Can you—"

"Keep this for myself? Of course I can. And I will. Unless it clouds your judgment or worries me too much. If it comes to that, I'll tell Pops and we'll figure a way to get some common sense into that thick skull of yours."

"Deal!" His painted lips stretched with a grin, reassurance relaxing his delicate features.

They were basking in the quiet night when the door opened again, revealing a disheveled and sleepy Thatch. Wrapped up in a duvet, with a grumpy look on his face, he came closer to the two commanders who were staring at him wide-eyed.

"Thatch... Your... Your hair!" Izo gasped, trying hard not to laugh.

"Yeah. I know. It's none of your 'woke up like this' bullshit," he grumbled, running a hand through his uncombed haircut, somehow making it worse.

"What happened Thatch? A nightmare? Did you dream about being chased by flying potatoes again?" Marco grinned.

"Believe it or not, I would have preferred that," their Chef growled, noticing the bottles of rum and taking a swig from one of them.

"Oh, c'mon! Cut the suspense Thatch! What happened?" When it came to their cook, Izo wasn't really known for his patience. Marco chuckled, feeling the general mood lighten. Thatch's stories were always entertaining, even if most of the time they were only making fun of his own misfortunes.

He swallowed with a sigh. "Ah! When I went to bed, passably drunk might I add, everything was normal. I was having a well-deserved good night's sleep in our dormitory, because I felt like it for once, for old time's sake you know? And then I'm jolted awake by some barbaric snoring!" He groaned, scratching at his goatee. "So I went to my quarters, only to find Haruta in my bed. Then I went to Haruta's quarters, only to find _Stefan_ sprawled on his bed. I'm way passed the musical beds age, so now there's only one thing I want to know, Marco. When will Jozu get back to being... far far away?"

They both laughed at the angry tone of their brother. Poor Thatch. Being a light sleeper really wasn't an advantage in such a big and rowdy crew. But it was also a renowned fact that Diamond Jozu was a loud snorer. The man had joined them for a while, after the mini Moby he was commandeering along with Kingdew had crossed path with their mother ship. They had been on patrol duty for a few weeks now. The little family reunion had been an occasion as good as any to throw a little party.

"He said they were leaving tomorrow," a deep voice said from the higher deck.

"Thank goodness!" yelled the Fourth Commander, adjusting his duvet while sitting cross-legged, facing his friends.

The newcomer, who was none other than Ace, walked down the stairs with an incredible agility considering the late hour and stopped by the noisy men. "Seriously guys, don't you have enough time to talk and laugh during the day?"

"Obviously not!" Izo grinned. "Did we wake you up?"

"Nah, I was just resting on Moby's bow, enjoying the stars... and that bloody welcomed silence." The young man perched himself on the railing and pushed back his head to look at the glowing sky, his orange hat hanging down in his back.

"Was your crew a quiet one?" Marco wondered.

"The Spades? Hell no! Always ready to party. Just look how well they fit in with your crew!" _A foregone conclusion really..._

"Guess you have a point, they're never the last to join us for a drink. By the way, what about you Ace? You alright? I thought you were already sleeping," the cross-dresser said.

"You know what they say. I'll get all the sleep I need when I'll be dead!" He smiled before seeing the discontented look of his older crewmates. "Which will not happen before a looong looooong time, I swear!" he carried on before looking back at the sky. "Ah, it doesn't matter... I enjoy that atmosphere too much to deprive me of it anyway."

"That atmosphere?" Thatch asked, a bit lost.

"Yeah, that quiet mood." He made a large gesture, encompassing the whole area around them. "At night time seems to go by slowly. Everyone's sleeping. You can hear the waves crashing against the ship and the wind filling the sails and the wood lightly creaking. Let alone that amazing sky... Day life on board is cool, but at night... I don't know... You really can believe that you're alone sailing deeper and deeper into the New World. And even so, you know you're not all by yourself and... it's nice." He lowered his head, offering his boots a sheepish smile. "It's like another life, showing you just how free you are," the teenager finally concluded, widely grinning to his friends. They nodded.

"How can you use so many words at such a late hour?" Thatch scoffed, weary, before smiling softly. "I understand though." He yawned, followed by Marco and Ace, making Izo laugh. "Ace, those two are already beyond saving"—he pointed his brothers out—"but if you stay awake too long, you'll have permanent dark-ringed eyes before you realise it, trust me!"

"And you'll have to borrow Izo's makeup to conceal it!" Thatch added a cheerful grin on his face.

"Like I'll lend it to him!" Izo said with mock outrage.

"Ew, I'll go get some sleep then!" The young man chuckled as he jumped off the railing and walked back to the door, waving goodnight to his _nakama_.

"Avoid the dormitory unless you have earplugs," Thatch mumble to his retreating back.

Once he was gone, the silence fell over the three of them. Thatch fought off the sleep while Marco seemed lost in his thoughts. "He's so cute," Izo whispered, speaking of their youngest brother.

"Yeah, like a lone wolf cub," Thatch said, his voice slightly muffled. Izo chuckled at the comparison. "I'm glad he's with us. It seems so right. Like we were missing something before he was there! Isn't it insane?"

"What's insane is the amount of food he can stuff down!" the Chef retorted. "But, yeah, you're right. He's starting to fit just fine. That's great. And geez, have you seen that dazzling smile?"

"Yes, too much happiness in just one human being! Good to see though, he seems so withdrawn sometimes... What do you think Marco?"

The first mate got to his feet and let out a deep sigh. "He's finally part of our family. That's a big thing for him, but he'll come around. We'll have to be careful though. You've seen it. As happy-go-lucky and sunny as he seems, he also has his own insecurities, his own shadows. And his youth won't help him..."

"Don't worry Marco, we'll keep an eye on him, like we always did for each and every one of us," Thatch said, standing up in turn, a sleepy yet assured smile stretching his lips. "I'm not worried. Well not that much..." Marco said flatly as Izo rose. "Yeah, yeah, don't try and put on airs, firebird," the Fourth Division Commander teased.

"Tch. Let's sleep on it, yoi. We deserve some rest, anyway."

"But Thatch's right. We'll look after him. That's also why brothers are here for, right?" Izo winked at Marco while following him through the door.

The three men disappeared in the depths of the ship and the Moby Dick's deck found peace again, only troubled by the wind, the waves and a quiet snoring from one the crow's nests.

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on FF.net in 2016, now edited taking into account the new information given about Izo.  
> I remember writing it during NaNoWrimo, my second participation, my first time writing in English and for One Piece. After years of reading Whitebeards-centric fanfictions. I took a shine on Izo thanks to what the fandom made of him, filling in the blanks until Oda decided to take the matter back in his own hands.
> 
> Thanks for dropping by! Feedback is welcome and cherished here so don't be shy.
> 
> Take care,  
> Lily.


End file.
